I should start my cycle tomorrow or Friday. Then on day 5-9, I take 100mg of clomid a day. Here we go again with the clomid. I hate it. I get hot flashes and very, VERY moody. And I seem to cry over everything... But if that's what it take to get me closer to motherhood, I'll do it. Shoot, by now I'd do just about anything. I conceived on 150mg of clomid last time but maybe it won't take as much this time. I am trying not to get my hopes up but that's certainly easier said than done.
Today has been a hard day. I find myself keeping track of how far along I'd be if I hadn't lost our baby. Tomorrow would be 23 weeks... Everybody says "you can't do that to yourself", but please, tell me how to just shut it off because I would be more than happy to do that. To not get sad after seeing a baby or pregnant women. To not be sad when I hear my friends talk about how their pregnancies are going. To not be sad when I see the Motherhood gift card that I received right after finding out I was pregnant, sitting on my kitchen shelf just waiting to be used. But, with all of that said, I know that it's all in God's hands and he must have one VERY special baby planned for us. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself...
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